Another New Week

Darling Baby Kay, it is Sunday evening and the weekend has whizzed off past us again faster than the rest of the week ever does. It is pouring with rain outside, and has been blowing a gale all day, but we haven't ventured too far from home so it hasn't given us too much trouble. Daddy is watching the American Football on TV (he loves any kind of sport, from any country, it doesn't have to be from here!) and getting ready for his week at work. I am finishing off some emails - to my good friend K who is expecting baby boy #3, and to M, who has just had baby #3 (who also happened to be a boy!) and updating my blog for you for years to come I hope.

This week is going to be a strange one, because I am off on a trip at the end of the week - over to Bristol to see your new little cousin M who was born in November. It sounds lovely, and I am sure it will be great to see your Uncle R and Aunt C, and also to get a little cuddle of my new nephew, but I have never been away from you. Ever. Since I found out I was pregnant with you all those months ago, you have been physically with me. The longest we have been apart is 4 hours, and that was tough, because I thought about you all the time. And I was so glad to get back to you that evening, even though you were with Daddy and nothing was going to happen to you, that I ended up accidentally wakening you when I went in to see you before I went to bed.

Going away is already casting a shadow over me (which I hate) and making me anxious and not a lot of fun to be around for Daddy. My dear friend A, from Lincoln - Nebraska, would tell me just to pull on my big girl panties and get on with it. I know it means I can read a book on the flight, and buy a coffee and drink it while it's hot (a luxury I have discovered is only for those who haven't got a baby with them) But it is just a rotten feeling knowing I will not be there for you, and you will not be there for me to cuddle and hold when I want to see my gorgeous little girl. This is such an absurd situation - I am only going to be gone for 36 hours but it will be so very strange - and I can't seem to get it back into real world perspective.

I really feel for those women who have to go back to work, and aren't in the position I am in, thanks to Daddy, who can cherish this time and spend it with their little one. This week I plan to try to make sure that all the time we have together is quality time, and that when I leave on Friday you hardly know I'm gone. But for tonight I think I am just going to feel a bit sorry for myself. And dig out those big girl panties for tomorrow.